BOB: Well, I can assure you that there a lot

of Americans who feel that way. And they

do speak out against the criminal and

imperialistic actions of our government.

They are grassroots activists, and intellectuals,

and professors, and journalists,

and business leaders, and important

public figures and celebrities. They condemn

openly and forcefully what’s wrong

about American policies at home and

abroad. Yet you continue to blame

AMERICA and ALL Americans for the

actions of a radical fringe element. That’s

just not fair.

ABDUL: Really? Well, why don’t we ever

hear these alternative voices condemning

misguided American policies?

BOB: Gee, that’s a really good question …

Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Next time, perhaps I should politely interrupt Abdul and Bob:

ME: Uh, excuse me, gentlemen. If I may,

I’d like to suggest two things. First, you

might want to stop watching FOX News

and Al-Jazeera. Secondly, you’re both

complaining about the same thing—so

how about if you stop arguing and instead

try to find a way to constructively work

Both of them register blank stares.

BOB (BOB & ABDUL): : I don’t even have

cable/satellite.

ME: Oh, I see.

Now that’s annoying. Like I said, makes me want to give up. And the fact that Muslim terrorists are simply Islam’s “right wing neo-conservatives”— and the radical American right is simply America’s “Christian Wahhabis” —makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs: “Stop it! You guys are on the same team, and it’s called Hizb ash- Shaytan—The Army of Satan.” But I don’t do it, of course. What’s the point of yelling condemnations at the deaf? Sounds a lot like a tree falling down in the forest.

Azhar Usman is an attorney, lecturer, community activist, and a leading American Muslim comedian based in Chicago, Illinois.